It had been a year. Today is a special day, perhaps the most special day in my life to date.
Following what my heart tells me, i am writing to perhaps jot down my happiness given to me for the past 1 year. Since knowing you, you have thought me what is love, promise, happiness & joy, as well as sadness. Don't misunderstood me, for i say this is because, 'you have to experience happiness in order to know what sadness is'. I've been through a lot with you, as well as you i am sure. We laughed, cried, and share our thoughts together. There were tears of joy, as well as pain. We've gone through a lot together. Just you and me.
I want to hold you once more, but perhaps that won't ever happen again. Don't forget the warmth that brought us together. Don't forget the warmth inside your heart, for i have not, even if it is slowly fading away into a winter fall. I will make it burn, i will never forget the happiness you brought me, something which i can never ever experience in my entire life.
300706, it still has it's most special meaning, at least a special place in my heart.
I've never want us to be like this, i promise us we'll make it through, this endless journey, just both of us, that we'll get this knot tied. But it's all but just a dream now. Or just a plain simple wish.
'The altering of these conditions may result in separation from loved ones, and finding it hard to let go. It may be parents moving to a distant city, a child getting married, loss of an older member of the family, or a divorce. Whatever the circumstances, your domestic and emotional feelings will undergo an intense change'
For god knows reason, my father is injured. Apparently he injured his arm and his leg. I really do not know what is going on seriously. Why must all these things happen to me ah.
...
I don't know how long i can take it anymore. Everything isn't right.
Now i think back, i've actually made a lot of preparations. Nothing is going to be of use anymore. It still aches, it aches so much.
Excuse me while i go see what happened.
Or maybe tomorrow. Get well soon papa.
P.S F***ing joel be grateful you have a understanding girl going after you, you f***er =]
To entertain my f***ing friends, keep say i post songs only.
Today i write more. To link with the posts below. Read. You will know how i feel, read the fudging lyrics. How i feel? 'I'm still traumatized.' A abandoned/left alone/unwanted/whatever you may call it rose.
Imagine if it is you. I just feel a lot of knives flying towards my back. So many that i do not know how long i can take them. Even this shit happened to my friend Wei Lun.
...
I don't really want to talk much about it. I've thought about it though. It just shows how seriously i take this thing. While some people don't, and think it's fun and nice to screw things up. Either they are unhappy, jealous, or personal hatred. I hope heaven forgive you people.
True like how my parents say, you only have 1 chance sometimes, to make things right, if not, don't regret. Don't take things for granted. Listen to those who really care for you. Cause in the end if you don't, they are not the ones in loss, it's you. You might not end up losing what you care most, you are losing a family.
What goes around comes around. I've made a lot of decisions that made me regret. And i have thought about it much, it just shows how important i am. How much it matters. To a point even a simple comment from someone else can turn the whole situation around. I'm sick. I'm tired. I end up losing almost everything of what is left of me. Of what made me feel that life is really beautiful.
I will try to update more regularly. About my life than songs yeah? In case some suckers can't read. (Sorry! O:) I promise.
...
'Promise' Talking about promises. I have not forgotten. P.S Happy 19th F***ing birthday to my friend Joel. Might blog a little later. Can't really think now.
Let me love you I will hold you Let me squeeze you And we're gonna sing this song
Let me love you I will hold you Let me squeeze you Baby on＆on＆on
Just being a dream, so useless I open my eyes and the wind softly blows love suddenly makes your heart tighten my words, your way, I’ll keep it in me
until when (until when) a yearning heart (a yearning heart)
a wanting that can’t be explained trying to hold it in but little by little it starts to fall out
I’ll watch over you (I’ll watch over you) I won’t hesitate (I won’t hesitate) until we stop breathing
what I’ve been looking for a long time matching love’s melodies even if the tears keep falling forever being with you, Keep holding you
I hold the passion you gave me in my two hands as the seasons go by I want to return to you the familiar melody I’ll put it in the wind and send it to you
I’ll watch over you (watch over you) won’t hesitate (won’t hesitate) with my heart’s wings, I want to fly
the vast sky becoming something small to feel you no matter how far I am I’ll be with you forever
Let me love you I will hold you Let me squeeze you And we’re gonna sing this song
Let me love you I will hold you Let me squeeze you Baby on & on & on…
It's late, but who cares, niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee song. =]
'Someone like me' by Atomic Kittens
Don't let your head rule you heart Don't let your world be torn apart Don't keep it all to yourself Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me That's the way it should be Someone like me
I know Its hard when you're feeling down To lift your feet up off the ground We make mistakes but doesn't everybody You don't always have to agree with someone like me That's the way it should be Someone like me
We know the story so far (what you want and who you are) What you want and who you are (Free) Let all your emotions run free You don't always have to agree With someone like me That's the way it should be Someone like me Someone like me
Miserable. Disbelieve. Murdered. Soulless. I've been robbed of my heart and soul.
"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned, forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."
~Luke 6:37~
Corruption recently even resurfaced itself in my family. Can't really post any, cause what i say might ignite, and break my whole family up. Childish, pathetic, and unwilling to listen. God help us.
"Money is a good servant but a bad master."
"Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we've put it in an impossible situation".
~Margaret Mead
You people need a 19 year old kid to lecture you people? Shameless.
Calling you people having religions adults who are able to think? What are you people doing now? Disgrace. A total disgrace to your religions. Don't want to add further more. Hope it won't get any worst. It's lame.
You live once, you screw it up, you won't be able to unscrew it.
"So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever. that I may daily perform my vows."
I never forget, not yet.
"Love is profound. I love the way I Corinthians 13: speaks of love: as being as strong as death itself..it cannot be killed by time or disaster; it cannot be bought ... not even by the richest king! It must be accepted as agift from God and then shared within the guidelines that God provides: striving to make your love a reflection of the perfect love that comes fromGod himself. There are so many types of love but the truest, purest,unconditional, most faithful love is that love of God and that is "agape"love."
Think. Your mind is a gift. Or should i say the people around me. 'THINK'
Family, Love, Money, Career. ETC. 'All are forgiven'
A song which is quite old, regardless, still a nice song, that made me think.
'Where is the love' by Black Eyed Peas
What's wrong with the world mama? People living like aint got no mamas I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism But we still got terrorists here livin In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK But if you only have love for your own race Then you only leave space to discriminate And to discriminate only generates hate And if you hatin you're bound to get irate Yeah madness is what you demonstrate And that's exactly how anger works and operates You gotta have love just to set it straight Take control of your mind and meditate Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all
People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying Can you practice what you preach Would you turn the other cheek? Father Father Father help us Send some guidance from above Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the love2x)
It just ain't the same all ways have changed New days are strange is the world the insane? If love and peace so strong Why are there pieces of love that don't belong Nations dropping bombs Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones With ongoing suffering As the youth die young So ask yourself is the loving really strong? So I can ask myself really what is going wrong With this world that we living in People keep on giving in Makin wrong decisions Only visions of them livin and Not respecting each other Deny thy brother The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover The truth is kept secret Swept under the rug If you never know truth Then you never know love Where's the love y'all?(I don't know) Where's the truth y'all?(I don't know) Where's the love y'all?
People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying Can practice what you preach Would you turn the other cheek? Father father father help us Send some guidance from above Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder As I'm getting older y'all people get colder Most of us only care about money makin Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction Wrong information always shown by the media Negative images is the main criteria Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema Whatever happened to the values of humanity Whatever happened to the fairness and equality Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found
People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying Can you practice what you preach Would you turn the other cheek? Father Father Father help us Send some guidance from above Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love?(fade)
P.S Lyrics might varies from MV to Song. And i'm ultimately a free thinker. But i believe in one ultimate God.
We never had the thinking of you might get cheated outside, it's just that this world is too complicated, complicated to the point, you won't ever understand it, until you've been through it. We've been through it, we know how it feels, we don't want you to go through it.
Feeling very disturbed by a couple of things. I really do not want her to get cheated. But i want her to know and learn, but what if she do not learn and learn it the hard way? It's too late, she regretted and she will suffer, but i do not want her to suffer. "Friends" to me. I do not know why she trust that person so much. For i tell myself i could learn to trust. I did what i told myself. That person gave me 'the' word. But failed to deliver it. That completely destroys my trust. But does she know? She don't. Please heed my advice. Please. Not that i never tried or do not want to trust. I tried, and it failed, i did not get the trust, instead deepen the wound. Hope you also did not forget what happen in your secondary school years when you trusted your "friend" too much. I still care, i'm concerned, and listen to me before it's too late.
Another song. Last Song by Gackt Atemonaku hitori samayoi arukitsuzuketa Kasuka na toiki o tada shiroku somete Utsuri kawari yuku kisetsu no sono hakanasa ni Wake mo naku namida ga koboreta "Ima mo aishite iru..."
Furitsuzuku kanashimi wa masshiro na yuki ni kawaru Zutto sora o miageteta Kono karada ga kieru mae ni ima negai ga todoku no nara Mou ichido tsuyoku dakishimete
Wakari aenakute nandomo kizutsuketeita Sonna toki demo itsumo yasashikute Fui ni watasareta yubiwa ni kizamareteita Futari no yakusoku wa kanawanai mama ni "Ima mo oboeteiru..."
Toozakaru omoide wa itsumademo mabushi sugite Motto soba ni itakatta Mou nido to aenai kedo itsumo soba de sasaete kureta Anata dake wa kawaranai de ite Saigo ni miseta namida ga kisenakute
Kono shiroi yukitachi to issho ni kiete shimattemo Anata no kokoro no naka ni zutto saite itai kara
Yorisotte dakiatta nukumori wa wasurenaide ne Chigau dareka o aishitemo Saigo ni kiita anata no koe o kono mama zutto hanasanai mama Fukaku nemuri ni ochitai
Furitsuzuku kanashimi wa masshiro na yuki ni kawaru Zutto sora o miageteta Kono karada ga kieru mae ni ima negai ga todoku no nara Mou ichido tsuyoku dakishimete "Mou ichido tsuyoku dakishimete.."
Translation Walking around aimlessly by myself Breathing a faint sigh, my breath turns white Seasons change, and in this fleeting season.. My tears fall for no reason "Even now, I still love you Falling sadness transforms into pure white snow I'm always looking at the sky above me Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now Once more, I want to hold you How many times have we not understood and hurt eachother But even at those times, we were still gentle Engraved on the ring that you suddenly gave back to me ..Was our promise that will never come true "Even now, I remember.. These far off thoughts are just brilliant flashes in my memory I wanted to be next to you Even though I can't see you anymore, I'll always be next to you I never want you to change
I can't erase those last tears that you showed me [from my memory
In your heart, if I disappear along with all these snowflakes I want to bloom [in your heart once again] Don't forget the warmth of us being close together, and hugging Don't forget even if you love someone else I'll never let go [of the memory] of when I heard your voice last and so ..I just want to fall into a deep sleep Continuously falling sadness transforms into pure white snow I'm always looking at the sky above me Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now I want to hold you once more "I want to hold you once more"
Those who do not learn from the past, are condemn to repeat them in the future. I've learnt, and i won't ever repeat it again. God gave us feelings, to be able to feel, happiness, sadness, even anger. Ultimately, what we did, far worst than what we can imagine, our creator forgave us. His son died for our sins. God is forgiving, God taught us how to forgive, through his forgiveness, we felt love from god and we are able to live happily. Or we'll be dead by now. Our sins are intolerable, think about it. God loves us. Through love and forgiveness, God gave us life. Your forgiveness can save someone. Love will make the whole world a better place. No sin is too hard to forgive if that person confessed and admit and most importantly, learnt from his/her mistakes.
It's still love that kept me alive till now, i still love her very much, so much no words can decribe, when times are desperade i pray to God, hoping to bless us with everlasting love, which i swear i'll make that happen.
To start off, i'm proud to annouce that my weight gain has come to an end! From a not so satisfying 52Kg, i dropped back to 50Kg in just a week!
F***
Please call 6******* if u wish to apply. :)
Anyways, back to serious main topic.
Wonder why these few days i can't really sleep, can't eat, my freaking eyeblacks are getting thicker by the day. Can't really have time to sleep though, lotsa things to decide. Just when i thought i'm "godlike" for being able to sleep just mearly 3hrs30mins for last time having to wake up and go to school... I MET MY MATCH. Apparently my friend Gary, that no good sucka actually slept at 5am, and woke up at 6am to go to school! DAMN. And all although i was the best for being able to sleep ONLY during wee hours during the morning, and wake up at 8am to jack off to p***. :)))))))))))))))
I was wrong. F***
Ok i'm still not so serious, maybe i'm trying hard to become cool and calm, and my freaking ulcer is making me insane, it's so huge that you though an asteroid fell on it, it hurts, even if i'm taking like a sweet??? F*** and i can't find my cream which is supposingly able to treat my ulcer anywhere.
Argh.
My mind is blank now. I don't even know what i'm posting, or what i'm going to post. Maybe later?
Yea ciaos people.
P.S Deleted previous post cause i have to, don't ask me why.
